As a young woman who finds herself disappointing "nice guys" time and time again, I feel that I should address the issue and speak my opinion on the matter.
The "nice guys finish last" principle is based on the discrepancy between a woman's stated preference in men: she says she wants a "nice guy" but usually, if not always, ends up going for the "jerk/asshole/bad boy" in the end. I mean, how many times have you heard some poor guy uttering the phrase "nice guys finish last" ??? It's sad but it's true a large majority of the time. But what is it about "nice guys" that causes their hearts to get stomped on?
In order to answer this question... it is important to confront another age old question:
Why do women love bad boys?!
Well, women generally respond more positively toward men who are more aggressive, the prime trait of a quintessential "bad boy." Regrettably, this aggressive arrogance is oftentimes mistaken for confidence, which leads to certain disaster 10 out of 10 times. But, it doesn't matter whether these men are good for them or not. This aggression in men is sexually attractive to (most) women (of course there are exceptions to every rule). Therefore men whose approach is more assertive, bold, cocky, confident, perhaps even with a touch of humor (most women are turned on by a guy who can make them laugh... especially if he's a "bad boy") will usually get the attention and affection of more women. On the other hand, the man who takes the timid, indecisive, unsure, shy route tends to get ignored or treated less seriously. Quote, unquote "Nice Guys" tend to fall in the latter category.
Nice equates with boring and predictable. If you look up the word "nice" in the dictionary you find: pleasant, agreeable, satisfactory. In other words, average. Not exciting, not exceptional, and certainly not sexy. People in general are usually drawn to what they aren't supposed to have... or what they cannot have. Men and women alike prefer a bit of a challenge in life, so of course this carries over into the streams of dating.
Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's just the nature of things. The "bad guy" wins with women, over the "nice guy," because women perceive him as more valuable, or a hot commodity. This is because a "bad guy" never invests everything --his ego, self-worth, and being-- in what one woman's response of reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't ALWAYS available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. A more confident, assertive guy's approach is that he would like to date you, but if he can't, it's OK --he's got a lot of other exciting things to do. He has options... and that makes him desirable to women because he's not easy. No one wants anything that is TOO easy (unless they are just plain lazy). As women, we don't want a guy who is TOO available or TOO into us... TOO soon.
A "nice guy" (just because of his nature as the "subtle pursuer") usually cares too much, too quickly. He has made the woman too important and too valuable, which shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and gives too much (without getting much, if anything in return). By doing so, the "nice guy" has made himself appear desperate, insecure and needy of this woman's attention, affection and approval-- therefore stripping himself of value. After all, if he's already doing and giving everything without a return, why would she value him? Instead, she will look for someone else, who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident and more valuable... most likely a "bad boy."
Nice equates with boring and predictable. If you look up the word "nice" in the dictionary you find: pleasant, agreeable, satisfactory. In other words, average. Not exciting, not exceptional, and certainly not sexy. People in general are usually drawn to what they aren't supposed to have... or what they cannot have. Men and women alike prefer a bit of a challenge in life, so of course this carries over into the streams of dating.
Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value... it's just the nature of things. The "bad guy" wins with women, over the "nice guy," because women perceive him as more valuable, or a hot commodity. This is because a "bad guy" never invests everything --his ego, self-worth, and being-- in what one woman's response of reaction to him is. He doesn't gush with compliments; he isn't ALWAYS available; he doesn't give too much; and he knows he isn't going to die if a woman says "no" to him. A more confident, assertive guy's approach is that he would like to date you, but if he can't, it's OK --he's got a lot of other exciting things to do. He has options... and that makes him desirable to women because he's not easy. No one wants anything that is TOO easy (unless they are just plain lazy). As women, we don't want a guy who is TOO available or TOO into us... TOO soon.
A "nice guy" (just because of his nature as the "subtle pursuer") usually cares too much, too quickly. He has made the woman too important and too valuable, which shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and gives too much (without getting much, if anything in return). By doing so, the "nice guy" has made himself appear desperate, insecure and needy of this woman's attention, affection and approval-- therefore stripping himself of value. After all, if he's already doing and giving everything without a return, why would she value him? Instead, she will look for someone else, who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident and more valuable... most likely a "bad boy."
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