In most cases, the woman only agrees to play sideline because she wants to someday get in the game. From day one, she hopes-wishes-prays that the guy will finally realize that he should leave his current relationship, and become involved with her, the obviously better choice (in her eyes). But really, when you’re the other woman, you’re just an escape or a fantasy… Not to be confused with reality.
If he’s told you about his girlfriend, that is a red flag. If you know about her, and have showed no signs of backing off, HE HAS NO INTENTION OF LEAVING HER!! By consenting to becoming involved with him while he is already taken, you’re doing just what he wants, and making it convenient for him because a.) He doesn’t have to lie to you (much) because you already know his situation and b.) You are down for whatever, clearly. You’ll be his best friend, because you’re the one allowing him to “have his cake, and eat it too."
And even if he was honest enough to tell you about his girlfriend, he’s still a liar and a cheater. He’s lying and cheating on his girlfriend, and chances are he’s lying to (and if he ever leaves her for you, will be cheating on) you. It doesn’t matter what crock of shit he told you to win your affection and time, he has to lie in order to maintain the situation (unless you’ve got some sort of deal worked out – but in that case, we would hope that you’re the one running the show). Lying is lying and the only way a guy can juggle two women is by lying… to both of them. If he’s texting you, saying that he can’t stop thinking about you, chances are he’s on the phone with his girlfriend telling her how much he loves her/wants to marry her/blah blah bullshit.
There are women who are interested in exercising power over a taken man just for shits and giggles. They want to see just how under their spell they can get him (to appear to be)… but at some point the tables will turn, and she will realize that in actuality, she has no power at all… after all, if she did, she would have walked away weeks ago! Sometimes the power is derived from knowing that you have someone else’s man in the palm of your hand. But it is rarely just about the sex or the power, because as women, the majority of us get drawn in emotionally, and there is only so much power you can derive from a man who pops up when it suits him and then skips home to his wife or girlfriend.
Women in this situation may tell themselves (and friends) over and over again, “I’m strong. I can handle this!” but it’s only a matter of time… I've known many “side-chicks” who profess that they are totally fine with things and that they aren’t getting hurt. They are either completely disconnected emotionally (which is an even bigger problem) or they’re talking out of their bums with bravado. To suggest that you’re not hurting from this, is to suggest that you don’t care about him or what he is doing, which begs the question: Why are you involved with him in the first place?
Also, "other woman" tends to think that the relationship/situation she is in is “different.” "He's different with me. He shows me the real him." or "He can't leave her right now because this, that and third." Men from Texas to Timbuktu are cheating on their wives/girlfriends, using the same old lines on every fish they bait. They claim that their partner doesn’t understand them, that their partner won't give them a BJ, that they’re waiting for the right time to break it off… And as women, we eat it up. If we’re interested, we move right in, thinking that we can solve his relationship or sexual problems. We’re in constant competition with the main, to win her man’s affection, to outdo her. We tie our self-esteem and success to how much attention he gives us or how much we think we’re “winning.” Consequently, the longer he stays with her, the lower our self-esteem drops and the more emotionally unstable we become. And when it becomes apparent that he'll never leave her... Well, I'll let you imagine how that story ends.
Statistics show that he’s not going to leave her… especially if he’s married or in a long-term relationship. And even if he does leave her, why would you want him? If he is cheating on his wife or girlfriend with you, he is not anyone you’d want to be involved with. Haven’t you ever heard, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” They don’t just pull this shit out of the air, y’know. It’s likely that somewhere down the line when you two become serious, some other chick will suit his fancy and the cycle will start all over again, except this time you won’t be the “other woman.” You’ll be his woman... That he’s stepping out on.
Ultimately, I think that a lot of women look at attached men and think that because they’re married or in a long term relationship they are capable of commitment but just in an unfortunate situation. However, his actions demonstrate that he’s not committed to anyone other than himself and a woman who settles to be “the other woman” shows that despite their proclamations of wanting to be in a proper relationship, they couldn’t possibly want that, as they’ve sought out the a man incapable of giving them that.
Aaliyah I Can Be...
D. Woods One My Side
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