Even though it's a holiday celebrating the genocide of the Native American people, it's a good excuse to get together with the ones we love, to eat foods we love. May all your turkeys be juicy!
Happy Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
turkeyday
Even though it's a holiday celebrating the genocide of the Native American people, it's a good excuse to get together with the ones we love, to eat foods we love. May all your turkeys be juicy!
Happy Thanksgiving.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
the other woman pt. 2
The last post had me sounding like an advocate of the “Fuck a Girlfriend, Be a Mistress” campaign… But I’d be doing a grave disservice if I were not to touch on the cold reality of being “the other woman.” If you’re not ready for a physical (loveless) relationship, this position can become very taxing, emotionally and mentally. There are a lot of women who get stuck as the “mistress”, waiting for the day when their “man” is going to up and leave his main squeeze. And then there are the women who don’t even know that they are “the other woman” (another situation altogether… I will not even address it, because it’s even more a lost cause than this one).
In most cases, the woman only agrees to play sideline because she wants to someday get in the game. From day one, she hopes-wishes-prays that the guy will finally realize that he should leave his current relationship, and become involved with her, the obviously better choice (in her eyes). But really, when you’re the other woman, you’re just an escape or a fantasy… Not to be confused with reality.
If he’s told you about his girlfriend, that is a red flag. If you know about her, and have showed no signs of backing off, HE HAS NO INTENTION OF LEAVING HER!! By consenting to becoming involved with him while he is already taken, you’re doing just what he wants, and making it convenient for him because a.) He doesn’t have to lie to you (much) because you already know his situation and b.) You are down for whatever, clearly. You’ll be his best friend, because you’re the one allowing him to “have his cake, and eat it too."
And even if he was honest enough to tell you about his girlfriend, he’s still a liar and a cheater. He’s lying and cheating on his girlfriend, and chances are he’s lying to (and if he ever leaves her for you, will be cheating on) you. It doesn’t matter what crock of shit he told you to win your affection and time, he has to lie in order to maintain the situation (unless you’ve got some sort of deal worked out – but in that case, we would hope that you’re the one running the show). Lying is lying and the only way a guy can juggle two women is by lying… to both of them. If he’s texting you, saying that he can’t stop thinking about you, chances are he’s on the phone with his girlfriend telling her how much he loves her/wants to marry her/blah blah bullshit.
There are women who are interested in exercising power over a taken man just for shits and giggles. They want to see just how under their spell they can get him (to appear to be)… but at some point the tables will turn, and she will realize that in actuality, she has no power at all… after all, if she did, she would have walked away weeks ago! Sometimes the power is derived from knowing that you have someone else’s man in the palm of your hand. But it is rarely just about the sex or the power, because as women, the majority of us get drawn in emotionally, and there is only so much power you can derive from a man who pops up when it suits him and then skips home to his wife or girlfriend.
Women in this situation may tell themselves (and friends) over and over again, “I’m strong. I can handle this!” but it’s only a matter of time… I've known many “side-chicks” who profess that they are totally fine with things and that they aren’t getting hurt. They are either completely disconnected emotionally (which is an even bigger problem) or they’re talking out of their bums with bravado. To suggest that you’re not hurting from this, is to suggest that you don’t care about him or what he is doing, which begs the question: Why are you involved with him in the first place?
Also, "other woman" tends to think that the relationship/situation she is in is “different.” "He's different with me. He shows me the real him." or "He can't leave her right now because this, that and third." Men from Texas to Timbuktu are cheating on their wives/girlfriends, using the same old lines on every fish they bait. They claim that their partner doesn’t understand them, that their partner won't give them a BJ, that they’re waiting for the right time to break it off… And as women, we eat it up. If we’re interested, we move right in, thinking that we can solve his relationship or sexual problems. We’re in constant competition with the main, to win her man’s affection, to outdo her. We tie our self-esteem and success to how much attention he gives us or how much we think we’re “winning.” Consequently, the longer he stays with her, the lower our self-esteem drops and the more emotionally unstable we become. And when it becomes apparent that he'll never leave her... Well, I'll let you imagine how that story ends.
Statistics show that he’s not going to leave her… especially if he’s married or in a long-term relationship. And even if he does leave her, why would you want him? If he is cheating on his wife or girlfriend with you, he is not anyone you’d want to be involved with. Haven’t you ever heard, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” They don’t just pull this shit out of the air, y’know. It’s likely that somewhere down the line when you two become serious, some other chick will suit his fancy and the cycle will start all over again, except this time you won’t be the “other woman.” You’ll be his woman... That he’s stepping out on.
Ultimately, I think that a lot of women look at attached men and think that because they’re married or in a long term relationship they are capable of commitment but just in an unfortunate situation. However, his actions demonstrate that he’s not committed to anyone other than himself and a woman who settles to be “the other woman” shows that despite their proclamations of wanting to be in a proper relationship, they couldn’t possibly want that, as they’ve sought out the a man incapable of giving them that.
Aaliyah I Can Be...
D. Woods One My Side
In most cases, the woman only agrees to play sideline because she wants to someday get in the game. From day one, she hopes-wishes-prays that the guy will finally realize that he should leave his current relationship, and become involved with her, the obviously better choice (in her eyes). But really, when you’re the other woman, you’re just an escape or a fantasy… Not to be confused with reality.
If he’s told you about his girlfriend, that is a red flag. If you know about her, and have showed no signs of backing off, HE HAS NO INTENTION OF LEAVING HER!! By consenting to becoming involved with him while he is already taken, you’re doing just what he wants, and making it convenient for him because a.) He doesn’t have to lie to you (much) because you already know his situation and b.) You are down for whatever, clearly. You’ll be his best friend, because you’re the one allowing him to “have his cake, and eat it too."
And even if he was honest enough to tell you about his girlfriend, he’s still a liar and a cheater. He’s lying and cheating on his girlfriend, and chances are he’s lying to (and if he ever leaves her for you, will be cheating on) you. It doesn’t matter what crock of shit he told you to win your affection and time, he has to lie in order to maintain the situation (unless you’ve got some sort of deal worked out – but in that case, we would hope that you’re the one running the show). Lying is lying and the only way a guy can juggle two women is by lying… to both of them. If he’s texting you, saying that he can’t stop thinking about you, chances are he’s on the phone with his girlfriend telling her how much he loves her/wants to marry her/blah blah bullshit.
There are women who are interested in exercising power over a taken man just for shits and giggles. They want to see just how under their spell they can get him (to appear to be)… but at some point the tables will turn, and she will realize that in actuality, she has no power at all… after all, if she did, she would have walked away weeks ago! Sometimes the power is derived from knowing that you have someone else’s man in the palm of your hand. But it is rarely just about the sex or the power, because as women, the majority of us get drawn in emotionally, and there is only so much power you can derive from a man who pops up when it suits him and then skips home to his wife or girlfriend.
Women in this situation may tell themselves (and friends) over and over again, “I’m strong. I can handle this!” but it’s only a matter of time… I've known many “side-chicks” who profess that they are totally fine with things and that they aren’t getting hurt. They are either completely disconnected emotionally (which is an even bigger problem) or they’re talking out of their bums with bravado. To suggest that you’re not hurting from this, is to suggest that you don’t care about him or what he is doing, which begs the question: Why are you involved with him in the first place?
Also, "other woman" tends to think that the relationship/situation she is in is “different.” "He's different with me. He shows me the real him." or "He can't leave her right now because this, that and third." Men from Texas to Timbuktu are cheating on their wives/girlfriends, using the same old lines on every fish they bait. They claim that their partner doesn’t understand them, that their partner won't give them a BJ, that they’re waiting for the right time to break it off… And as women, we eat it up. If we’re interested, we move right in, thinking that we can solve his relationship or sexual problems. We’re in constant competition with the main, to win her man’s affection, to outdo her. We tie our self-esteem and success to how much attention he gives us or how much we think we’re “winning.” Consequently, the longer he stays with her, the lower our self-esteem drops and the more emotionally unstable we become. And when it becomes apparent that he'll never leave her... Well, I'll let you imagine how that story ends.
Statistics show that he’s not going to leave her… especially if he’s married or in a long-term relationship. And even if he does leave her, why would you want him? If he is cheating on his wife or girlfriend with you, he is not anyone you’d want to be involved with. Haven’t you ever heard, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” They don’t just pull this shit out of the air, y’know. It’s likely that somewhere down the line when you two become serious, some other chick will suit his fancy and the cycle will start all over again, except this time you won’t be the “other woman.” You’ll be his woman... That he’s stepping out on.
Ultimately, I think that a lot of women look at attached men and think that because they’re married or in a long term relationship they are capable of commitment but just in an unfortunate situation. However, his actions demonstrate that he’s not committed to anyone other than himself and a woman who settles to be “the other woman” shows that despite their proclamations of wanting to be in a proper relationship, they couldn’t possibly want that, as they’ve sought out the a man incapable of giving them that.
Aaliyah I Can Be...
D. Woods One My Side
Friday, November 20, 2009
the other woman
We talk a lot of smack about the other woman. You know, the sidepiece, the jump-off, the biznite (old school Wayne reference… listen here), the one who’ll never achieve “wifey” status. The one you call up for a quick hit and hide from your main. We poke fun at her, pitying her for not knowing that all she’s ever going to be is on the side. We blame her for leading our men astray. She gets cussed out, her hair pulled, and drinks poured on her for tampering with the sanctity of a monogamous relationship. In the words of a friend, “Why doesn’t she just go get her own man and leave mine alone?!” She’s the ho, the two-timing skeezer, the tramp, et cetera. Say what you will, but I can understand why a woman would choose the sideline role… Especially if a serious relationship is not what she seeks.
Guys who are taken are easier to deal with. There’s never an awkward or difficult conversation about where the relationship is headed. And, as the other woman you never have to actually deal with his real life troubles… All the complicated ish just gets passed to the main (that's HER job, right?). You don’t have to clean or cook for him. You don't have to do anything special, unless it’s in the bedroom, and even then, it’s not a requirement. Hey, you’re just a dip! Anything extra is on your terms!! Sex with no strings, plain and simple. So it's not entirely ridiculous if a woman is looking for this type of interaction, as such liberation is not so easily begotten when involving yourself with other singles.
Face it, relationships are drama! Issues with trust, all kinds of deception, and always that underlying uncertainty of mutual feelings. With a taken guy, you know where you stand. As long as both of you want the same thing from the “relationship”, it’s all good.
I digress...
Despite valiant human rights work on behalf of Angelina Jolie and Alicia Keys to make “the other woman” not look like a big ol’ skank, the truth is most people still think “the other woman” is… well, a big ol’ skank. And guess what, ladies?! There’s an awesome double standard where people shrug their shoulders at Mr. Married/Committed But Couldn’t Keep His Pants Zipped and say, “Boys will be boys,” while they give you the stink-eye, you home-wreckin’ ho!
But seriously, look at the scenario logically… Sure, in some ways the other woman is overstepping her bounds (in the case that she knows that she is involved with a taken man) but, in MOST cases, when analyzing the situation rationally, can the female party really be the one to blame? Sure, there are woman who intentionally go for men with girlfriends/wives (some sort of rush they get out of being desired—having “control” over—by someone else’s man) but in the end who is really playing who? Is the “other woman” in a relationship? Does the “other woman” have any allegiance to the girlfriend/wife?... NO.
So there’s absolutely no sense in blaming the sideline when a man starts cheating! She technically has no loyalties towards to the girlfriend/wife (unless they were friends in the first place… then that’s a WHOLE other situation altogether). The state of the “monogamous” relationship is not her problem. So go get mad at your man!! Regardless of who came onto who, HE is the real perpetrator here!!
Leave the chick out of the equation because the problems in your relationship really don’t have much to do with her.
Anyways, on of my favorite Cheaters clips... Hilar.
Friday, November 13, 2009
blank, amanda
nabil's the best
Thursday, November 12, 2009
cool jewels
I'm a sucker for "conversation-starter" jewelry. Jewelry is art... And I of course easily fall in love with rare masterpieces. I've come across some really great pieces lately that I've added to my "GET LIST" and I thought I'd share because they're quite stunning.
So it appears that the Elizabeth & James Knuckle Ring designed by Robert Lee Morris has returned!! My tears have dried and the sun is out!! Lovex2.
I should marry it. Buy it at Bloomies here for $195.
If that's too steep, there's a pretty damn good imitation here for a fraction of the price. I also came across another knuckle ring that's not as dramatic but pretty cute nonetheless for only $32 here. The alternatives are nice, but I shall splurge this time. I've waited entirely TOO LONG for this thing... Besides I dig the matte finish on the E&J version better.
I'm also obsessed with these beauties.
So quirky... Yet so very chic. Je suis amoureux...
And the fact that they're Marc Jacobs (and not some bull-ish costume jewelry) doesn't hurt. Plus they're only $68. Yessss!! Buy them at Saks, here. But if you're interested in the "costume" version... You can buy them for significantly less here. Gotta give you some alternatives, because I know how it is out here... Dollars are so very precious and dear in these depressed times.
Peaches I Feel Cream
Happy shopping!!
So it appears that the Elizabeth & James Knuckle Ring designed by Robert Lee Morris has returned!! My tears have dried and the sun is out!! Lovex2.
I should marry it. Buy it at Bloomies here for $195.
If that's too steep, there's a pretty damn good imitation here for a fraction of the price. I also came across another knuckle ring that's not as dramatic but pretty cute nonetheless for only $32 here. The alternatives are nice, but I shall splurge this time. I've waited entirely TOO LONG for this thing... Besides I dig the matte finish on the E&J version better.
I'm also obsessed with these beauties.
So quirky... Yet so very chic. Je suis amoureux...And the fact that they're Marc Jacobs (and not some bull-ish costume jewelry) doesn't hurt. Plus they're only $68. Yessss!! Buy them at Saks, here. But if you're interested in the "costume" version... You can buy them for significantly less here. Gotta give you some alternatives, because I know how it is out here... Dollars are so very precious and dear in these depressed times.
Peaches I Feel Cream
Happy shopping!!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
be my muse
I was just hanging out on Vimeo and I came across this. I love Metric... And the concept/style of the video is cool. I wish my life could be as carefree as the girls' in this video but they look like they're having a lot of fun. Reminds me of fun times with my friends. Anyways, hope you enjoy it as much as I did.
Metric - Sick Muse from Franck Deron on Vimeo.
1 QUESTION: WHY is that chick sitting on the public toilet?! Yuck.
Monday, November 9, 2009
k-u-d-u
I honestly have NO CLUE how Kudu isn't everywhere because they are amazing and unlike anything I've ever heard!! (Perhaps that's why they aren't.) If you're questioning where all the "real music" went, it's probably because it's being slept on by the mass majority... Typical.
Anyways, Kudu is making music that is way before its time. They're hands down my favorite group of the moment (and every other moment since I discovered them 2 years ago; I put one of their songs in an earlier post). Hailing from Brooklyn, NY (clearly I NEED TO MOVE THERE ASAP, because I'm missing out), the trio includes Sylvia Gordon, the hypnotizing vocalist/songwriter, and Deantoni "D" Parks, an absolute killer on the drums. They're known (or atleast should be known) for their progressive sound, a hybrid of vintage rock, electronica and soul. They've been praised as “one of New York’s most caustic, daringly inventive and criminally underrated dark electronic dance-pop outfits".One of my favorite videos of all time....
Primitive. Artistic. Revolutionary.
"my heart pumps red blood
big buckets of red love"
ASIDE: Sylvia is such a sexpot... the quintessential femme fatale. I love the rawness of their sound... It's mesmerizing... Rest assure, you'll never come across another band like this one.
RCRDLBL.com says, "Kudu’s formula is to take what's hot and push it forward, while retaining a hauntingly dark artistic simplicity. Their genre-hopping sound ingeniously melds dark synthesizer-pop, gritty voodoo-rock, black metal and arty “no wave” experimentation with feverish punk, glittery future disco, and nihilistic electronic dance grooves underscored by gripping vocals, razor-sharp lyrics, infectious melodies, thunderous drums and maniacal bass synths. It’s an exuberant mixture daring enough to touch several bases while remaining intelligent enough to keep the listener intrigued with an overall edgy and fresh sound."
...and I couldn't have said it better myself. I wish I had a link where you could download for free but it simply doesn't exist and I'm too lazy to make my own compilation. Besides, you should be BUYING it. You can find the full-length release,"Death Of The Party" (2006), here.Every song is basically my favorite but here is one of their most popular tracks. I heard it playing in Express once, and I'll admit I was entirely TOO impressed to hear that a store having such a musically advanced playlist. However, it was a fluke... They played something ridiculously whack right after (-_-). Anyhow, Indulge thyself.
**DISCLAIMER** You may need a change of underwear.
Kudu Bar Star
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